“[…] war does not bring profits forever. The profit is for an instant alone. It’s like setting a bushfire for warmth. Certainly it’s warm, but nothing is left afterward.”
Constant unrest and conflict are around us, inside us. Misunderstandings give birth to wars among people and peoples. The peace lovers’ lives may seem less conflicted superficially, but they fight their constantly grinding internal wars instead.
Why do we fight? Striving for gains for ourselves and friends, redirecting our pain and unhappiness to others, punching without aim, trying to fill a void within us. A void that may in turn be loss, boredom, lack of being appreciated, or a burning fire of revenge or jealousy, consuming us from within.
There is so much more left out in this endless list of dreadful and painful emotions — the causes are unlimited.
An abrupt, short-lived explosion of emotions — or a slowly simmering pot of the disgusting liquid of bottled-up destructive feelings, finally blowing its lid away?
It starts with a bang. Relieving the attacker for a moment, blinding previous companions in rage, disgust or feelings of support. And also creating a silent, nibbling pain inside the peace lover’s mind.
A monster from within starts eating. Gnawing on and on, taking small bites, ever becoming larger — asking questions in a self-amplifying vicious loop. Why did this happen? How did I cause it? How to escape, turn back the wheels of time, undo things which have been said and done, take back the words written down or spoken — let the conflict come undone?
The peace-loving, grinding monster never asks who was at fault — it creates its own, commonly unfounded truth of assigning the fault to oneself.
The addicted seeker of harmony can not escape this loop — the creature is blind to this even though reason suggests otherwise. The sharp pain continues, uncontrolled, unstoppable, eating away at the fragments of all memories, hunting down the tiniest puzzle pieces like a cruel detective trying to figure out a case of murder, striving to collect further evidence why the self must be at fault, and be the only criminal involved.
Why is it so, an observer asks? Why can the harmony seeking person easily accept a fault of the self, so much more easily than a fault of the others, even if the facts may disagree?
The answer is simple:
In seek of disturbances of harmony, blaming and trying to change the self is less conflicting. Fighting an internal war against a harmonious, objectively guiltless being is painful, but does not disturb the external harmony further.
Can’t we escape this fate? Is there no way out?
For the addicted harmony-seeker, there isn’t — symptoms of withdrawal always come with pain. Giving up harmony is a path this being won’t accept. Strength to survive the internal fight, staying harmonious, is the only protection. You must wear the armour of belief in the self. Only self-confidence’s armament can protect this self-destructive mind under constant self-attack.
The sturdiness needs to be kept up until the wind of time has moved the wheels of fate toward the next future clearing of peace in the forest of war. Steel yourself, stay strong with this knowledge such as not to lose yourself.